And that, my friends is saying something. As the first decade of the 21st century draws to a close I can see the destructive force timidity has had on Hollywood. Wading through the flotsum laden sea of Disney sequels about dogs, worn out franchises, e.g., Date, Disaster, Superhero, Scary Movie and pusillanimous comedies (come on, is Mall Cop the best we can hope for these days) has been a downright depressing enterprise. It's been a dismal time to be a viewer of this drek. When studios constantly aim for the lowest common denominator, it is not only causes fatigue for the moviegoer but downright demoralization. "Is this as good as it gets?" Have we gone from high water marks such as Gone With the Wind right down to New In Town? (read the Rotten Tomatoes review of this movie, just for fun.)

This thought was in my mind after viewing Asterix At The Olympic Games.

What a stinker! It blew chunks the size of pillows. What made it even more aggravating was the fact that this was the biggest budget Asterix movie so far. $110 million to make this thing. I watched this on the heels of the animated Asterix and The Vikings and it was like a one two punch in the gut. Two huge budget neutron bombs. The downward trajectory of this movies has imitated the Hollywood one: The more money spent, the more disappointing the results.

In both the live action and cartoon, all the money was spent on special effects. They wanted to wow us, obviously with their CGIs out the wazoo. But in both Viking and Olympics, nobody gave a second thought to the script.

It's the script, stupids. Without a good story, the whole project sinks like a granite submarine.

The story (such as it was) involved the heroes Asterix and Obelix helping out a friend (Lovesix--yes, they need to work on those names) win a greek princess (already an implausible plot device) by entering the Olympic games.

Let's first get into the historical facts about the Olympic games: neither women nor non-Greeks were allowed to participate in the games. women were not even allowed to attend anything but a horse race. For a freedman to even think about attending, he had to read and write Greek.

So the idea of winning a Princess who wouldn't have even been there is dumb. The idea of a backwater Provincial celtic hick winning a Greek Princess even dumber especially since he would not have been able to attend nor participate.

The poor actors who played the two heroes were no match to the actors who played Julius Caesar and Brutus, with the guy playing Caesar the closest to a good acting job. 

The actor playing Obelix, Gerard Depardeau is pushing 60 and it showed. He lumbered around looking very flabby with no shirt on, no muscle definition and obviously very bad knees. Seeing him run was a painful experience.

The guy who played Asterix was a non-entity. I don't know why they replaced the previous actor with this guy, but he didn't make much of an impression. 

I don't know why they made the characters so cartoonish. What's the point of making it live action if the characters are all going to look and act like cartoons?

In the movie Asterix gets his strength by swilling a magic potion which is illustrated by flashing lights and floating in the air. The fight scenes are exaggerated to a ridiculous degree. He hits, they go flying 500 feet into the air. No understanding of physics required in a live action movie. As I said, if they were going to make it this cartoonish, why not just do a cartoon? 

The magic potion concept is nothing but a crutch; a plot device that should have been abandoned before the first movie was shot. You never really know if these guys are tough or not without the potion. It's like watching a Superman movie. You never accept that he could be in any real danger. In fact they have to contort themselves to find a way for them to find some Kryptonite to make it mildly interesting.

So the fight scenes were a real yawnfest: enemy approaches, they swill the potion, fight over. The heroes never get hurt, they never face any real peril. Tedious.

You know what's going to happen before the opening credits roll: Yes, Lovesix is going to win the princess. This is because the writers just make it all too easy. I found myself pausing the movie several times to get snacks, make tea, read the paper. It was an excruciating 2 hours watching this thing.

Pass.